Friday, August 27, 2010

i feel free...

I dont remember how many years has it been since i last saw her or talked to her...
But i clearly remember her face. I remember how she used to swing her hair back consantly while talking...I love listening to her when she is talking...her voice always questioning...her eyes never demanding...her smile jump-started the engine of my heart!!!...her fragrance like a thousand daisies.

I never thought about love or attraction or anything towards her... i just wanted to be with her.i wanted everything to stop. i just wanted to stay with her...i still skip a beat when i think about, just thinking about her makes me so ecstatic...

I was here on a break from my job. i like spending my time around books, so i spend most of my time in starstruck ( a famous book shop) . there i was sitting and then i saw her. bliss is the only word that can perfectly describe the state i was in. she had grown up a little. she had gained a lot of weight!! she also had a boyfriend. she described him as smart, with a job, smart, rich, smart. she was happy. god! i did not know what to say or do. again i was the listener. she asked questions and never gave me the chance to answer them.i never wanted to say anything. 2 hours went by. suddenly she realized she had to be home. and she was gone. the very next moment i was alone again.

i left that place. i was back in home. i still dont know what was the feeling going over my mind. but i remember complete silence in my mind. just her face...just her words...just her.

but isnt it wrong?? she has a boyfriend now. she has moved on. she doesn't know what feelings i have in my mind. i was confused. i wanted to cry. GOD HELP ME i said. i took some deep breaths.still dont know what to do.

but wasn't it an easy decision? i still love her when she wasnt here for all these years. i can feel her presence all the time. with her thoughts in my mind, physical presence has never been necessary.i know she has a place for me in her heart.maybe its not love. i dont even need her to love me or to call me, as in why should i demand?i accept her as she is. i dont need anything from her. i can just love her. i can love her completely. now i know how to love without expectation.

i feel free!!!
i love you.