Sunday, October 6, 2013

fasting day 2

Its amazing. I havent fasted in 5 years. I tried doing it a few times but i always failed. So what inspired me to fast for navratri? I dont know. My growing love for spirituality? Me wanting to break my barriers? Kind of. I am a slave to myself. I cant bring myself to do things that i want to. I have such awesome and amazing aims for myself. I fail on them all the time. I wanted to break these barriers. And i dont know how but i got this idea that i shoudl fast. I am anyways attending the chanting. I am meditating.
The first day i was very hungry. I went to satsang and there was the best food ever. Usually i would break my fast, for the food smelled heavenly and there were some of the best dishes that one could eat. But i held on. And i was amazed at myself. I could not believe it. For me this was a big deal. I have always broken my fast within these 5 years. I was feeling tired and weak though. Now i want to continue it for 9 days. through the entire Navratri. That is my Tapas. That is how i want to break my barriers. Today is the second day. I am hungry and it feels amazing. I have grown. Where i could not hold myself on anything, it is the first time when in front of my eyes for two consecutive days was my favourite food and i chose not to eat it. i chose to fast. 7 more days to go. I dont know how i will do it. it sounds scary. i am eating fruits, but they are very limited. One apple and one peach. I need more fruits. i also drank milk today but i ate only once. Yesterday i ate fruits twice. I am pondering upon the thought that why i am doing it? What am i trying to achieve here?
I dont know. Perhaps this hunger which is the basic need of a human will take my emotions to the extreme and maybe i will see what is going on in this fat head of mine. maybe i will see what is in my heart. i know i am in turmoil. no anger up till now. Only hunger and tiredness.
Jai Gurudev

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