WHO AM I?

it was a fine sunday morning. and i was at my uncle's place. i was quietly sitting with with my thoughts and uncle. when suddenly out of the blue uncle asked me
" who are you? or how would you answer the question 'who am i'".
to be honest i was scared. this is a really scary question to answer. i gathered my courage and was just about to open my mouth when he said
"take your time. am not in a hurry"
i took a deep breath. i thought. i have answered this question before in interviews. i can do so now.
i said " my name is blah blah, i have done blah blah and so on." i had just finished the fourth line when he said
" whatever you are saying is your achievements, your qualifications, your name etc. who are you?"
now i was perplexed. his reputation for being spiritual, knowledgeable and practical was wide spread. so i thought again. this time for fifteen minutes. i still did not know what to say.
" who am i? i dont know." i said
"oh dont worry. take your time." he said.
seriously who am i? again i started saying i am the son of so and so....i am a good person...
he said " again this is your nature and your relationship. who are you"
i guess my blank face convinced him to answer.

and he said" you are the owner of varun goel."
"what the hell" were my precise thoughts.
" you are the one who sits behind and quietly watches varun do whatever he does. you dont do anything. you dont speak. you dont have a nature. you dont take part in anything. whatever is done is done by varun. you just sit quietly and watch him. you are his owner."

" oh so i just control his thoughts and see what he does." i said
"no. you dont think. that is what varun does. you only see. you dont make decisions. you know everything. you see everything. you are the king."
"but the king gives orders, doesn't he?" i said
"you dont give orders. you only watch him do the work. he does all the work. whoever talks, talks to him. not you. you only listen.you are deep inside. sitting quietly."

i thought over it. that is great i thought. it kinds of explain spirit and all that. even al capone, the famous gangster of new york said that he never killed anyone. it was al capone. he was a loving person.
but i did not feel satisfied. why is he telling me that. what do i do about it? why is he still smiling at me?
WHAT AM I MISSING?

i asked him"so what? i mean what does it mean? what do i learn from it?"

he smiled again." if you understand that you are his owner and you do not do anything, and it is only varun who is doing all the work, then you wont mind if someone says anything to you."

he continued" if everyone understood this little fact then there would be no disharmony. nobody would take abuses personally. they will understand they are not being abused. it is the body who is being abused. it is the name.nobody can harm you or say anything to you. you dont die. nothing happens to you. you are god."

it finally clicked me. he is so correct. we are nothing but souls. everything else ie; our name, our fame our body, everything is given to us. we own everything. but we are not it.

WHO AM I?
I AM THE OWNER OF VARUN GOEL.
I AM ONE WITH GOD.

i feel free...

I dont remember how many years has it been since i last saw her or talked to her...
But i clearly remember her face. I remember how she used to swing her hair back consantly while talking...I love listening to her when she is talking...her voice always questioning...her eyes never demanding...her smile jump-started the engine of my heart!!!...her fragrance like a thousand daisies.

I never thought about love or attraction or anything towards her... i just wanted to be with her.i wanted everything to stop. i just wanted to stay with her...i still skip a beat when i think about her...wow, just thinking about her makes me so ecstatic...

I was here on a break from my job. i like spending my time around books, so i spend most of my time in starstruck ( a famous book shop) . there i was sitting and then i saw her. bliss is the only word that can perfectly describe the state i was in. she had grown up a little. she had gained a lot of weight!! she also had a boyfriend. she described him as smart, with a job, smart, rich, smart. she was happy. god! i did not know what to say or do. again i was the listener. she asked questions and never gave me the chance to answer them.i never wanted to say anything. 2 hours went by. suddenly she realized she had to be home. and she was gone. the very next moment i was alone again.

i left that place. i was back in home. i still dont know what was the feeling going over my mind. but i remember complete silence in my mind. just her face...just her words...just her.

but isnt it wrong?? she has a boyfriend now. she has moved on. she doesn't know what feelings i have in my mind. i was confused. i wanted to cry. GOD HELP ME i said. i took some deep breaths.still dont know what to do.

but wasn't it an easy decision? i still love her when she wasnt here for all these years. i can feel her presence all the time. with her thoughts in my mind, physical presence has never been necessary.i know she has a place for me in her heart.maybe its not love. i dont even need her to love me or to call me, as in why should i demand?i accept her as she is. i dont need anything from her. i can just love her. i can love her completely. now i know how to love without expectation.

i feel free!!!
i love you.